The Chance You've Never Given
by seriousmuchXD
Summary: Morgana discovers Merlin's secret. But she's not mad. Just... Sad that he never bothered to -  "Because to you... I'm only the evil sorceress bent on destroying what you will build. And nothing more. Strange when you mean everything to me."
1. Chapter 1: Prologue

**This is my first story. Ever. So please be nice :) Any comments and suggestions are openly welcomed.**

**Hope you like it!**

**Oh, and Merlin isn't mine.**

**All rights are owned by BBC.**

Screams echoed endlessly, a reminder of lost sanity.

She stepped over dead bodies, regarding them as though they had never really been alive at all. As though they had never laughed, cried or loved.

H-Had she really caused all of this?

She mentally slapped herself. This is exactly what she had wanted. This is all that they had worked for. Camelot has fallen. It was over. She should be happy.

But she isn't.

She felt sick. Why _**isn't**_ she happy?

Somehow, this isn't what she had expected to feel. After all that had happened. After all she had done. After all they had been through.

"Are you happy now?"

She froze. She knew exactly who the voice belonged to.

The speaker continued.

"Are you satisfied?"

She didn't answer. She couldn't bring herself to respond. It was too difficult.

"You've finally gotten what your heart has so achingly lusted for all these years. You should be happy. Smile, Morgana. That's the least you could do. Or has your heart been so cloaked in the shadows that you have forgotten how it feels like to be happy?

"To love?"

She didn't wince. Those words no longer touched her heart.

….Or what was left of it, anyway.

Silence.

There was a long painful silence.

"What? You do not wish to shout to the world how you destroyed the home you've left behind?

"How you slaughtered thousands of innocents who are nothing but pawns in this sadistic game you enjoy playing?

"How you've killed all the people who've ever cared for you? Who loved you?

"Speak, witch!"

Morgana's throat was dry. But she spoke.

"After all these years, you're still playing the hero. Still trying to save the day."

She turned around.

"It sickens me how you still fight a battle you've already lost."

She smirked, against her better judgment.

"But I suppose…. What else would one expect of poor, naïve, clueless Merlin?

"Still meddling in things he shouldn't."

And in the corner of her eye, Morgana though she saw his eyes turn… golden, for just the slightest moment, as he breathed incoherent words silently.

Before she could even react, a powerful surging force threw her back.

She did not understand what was happening; only that her whole body felt limp... It was painful. She felt sharp rocks against her back. And her head….. She felt the blood gush freely on her skin.

Morgana boldly opened her eyes.

The last thing she saw was Merlin. But there were not tears of regret on his face. He was not struggling with fear and remorse, unlike when….. when he had poisoned her.

No. This time….This time his face was as hard as stone.

Then, everything went pitch black.

* * *

Morgana screamed.

She jolted from her bed, struggling to catch her breath.

She was sweating profusely, eyes widened in fear. She's shaken, terrified of the truth uncovered.

That explained everything. Why he was always conveniently where trouble was. Why he seemed to be everywhere Arthur was, as though guarding the prince with his life. Why he was the only one who knew what to do in difficult situations. Why he was the one who always thwarted her plans.

Why she felt a connection towards him.

Why she felt warmth in his presence.

Why she saw glow in his eyes

He was a sorcerer.

Merlin was magic.


	2. Chapter 2: Pained

**BBC owns Merlin.**

**Hope you like it!**

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**Chapter Two: Pained**

"Rise and shine!"

Merlin brought the heavy curtains apart and sunlight flowed freely into the room. A loud groan was heard as someone underneath the covers stirred.

"God, Merlin, will you please shut up?"

"I'm afraid I can't do that, Sire. There's a feast you've to prepare for."

Arthur emerged from underneath and glared fiercely at the servant. "Is it too much to ask for just _**one **_morning – just one – when you're _annoying _voice isn't the first one I hear when I wake up?"

Merlin rolled his eyes. "Are you done?"

The only reply he received was a pillow thrown in his direction.

"Oh, I'm sorry; would you rather I ask _**Gwen **_to do it instead?"

Another pillow.

"Is this _**really **_how the _Crown Prince_ of Camelot should act?"

Before he could be bombarded with things more _painful _than a pillow, Merlin exited the prince's room. The door closed with a loud thud.

The young sorcerer chuckled softly to himself. He turned around, bumping someone in the process. It was Gwen, he realized.

"Gwen, I'm-"

It was only then that he had noticed how pained Gwen looked. Looking into her eyes, he saw that she was engulfed in a sea of worry and dilemma.

Merlin was immediately concerned for his friend. "What happened? Is something wrong?"

Gwen turned away. "It's… It's nothing." She whimpered softly, as though fighting back tears.

Merlin stiffened; he knew exactly who had hurt the girl.

"What has she done to you?" His eyes were fierce, and his tone, even more so.

Gwen looked at him, alarmed. "Nothing! It wasn't-"

She stopped. Merlin had looked at her knowingly; there was no use in denying what he already knew. She sighed and cast her eyes down.

"Gwen…"

"The Lady… She is not herself. W-When I came to wake her, she was staring into… into nothing. It was as if something's kept her awake all night.

"She looked troubled… depressed, even. I-I asked if she was alright. But she said nothing. She just sat there, looking empty.

"When I touched her arm, she – she screamed. She screamed in pain. S-She started crying. I have never seen her this way. Merlin…"

Gwen looked deeply at the boy.

"It was heartbreaking. S-She looked so broken."

* * *

**It's short.**

**Really short.**

**So, yeah, anyway, that was Gwen's point of view. The next one will be Morgana's.**

**I pray I will do her justice. :)**


	3. Chapter 3: Shattered

**Merlin isn't mine. It belongs to BBC.**

**Hope you like it!

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**

**Chapter 3: Shattered**

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**

She could not sleep. Not after…

_He's magic._

She closed her eyes, welcoming the darkness. She wanted it to take her away, to take all her thoughts away, to leave her with nothing to reflect on.

It was better that way.

_He's magic._

She wished the voices would stop. She begged them to.

She wished sleep would come. She yearned for its promise of peaceful thoughts.

She wished daylight would appear. She hated how the night left her with so much time to think.

_He's magic._

No matter how many times those words echoed in her head, she still could not believe it. She did not want to.

She opened her eyes. Darkness only pushed her away.

She embraced her thoughts. They would help her believe.

She sat up. Sleep refused to end her torment.

She would wait.

* * *

Cold air brushed against her pale skin. She would freeze. But she chose not to move; it would only hurt her.

The shadows gripped her tightly and she stared into the dark.

She heard only the words that plagued her thoughts.

The words that would take away her sanity.

_He's magic._

_

* * *

_

Morgana looked into his sapphire eyes and saw honesty. She knew that he would be the one person she could trust. He would be as honest to her as she would him.

But she knew he would never understand.

He would never know how it felt like to be magic. To always be at risk of death. To spend nights in fear. To stare at the door, knowing that at any moment, guards could come bursting in and take you away. To never be able to trust anyone but yourself.

If she were discovered…

No one could save her. For a brief moment, her thoughts wandered to Merlin and she wished he would, then scolded herself for trying to make him her knight-in-shining armor. She thought she was expecting too much of him.

She had felt so alone, trapped and isolated within the four walls of her room.

But the whole time…

He knew how she felt. He knew how scared she was. He knew how badly she wanted to cling onto him for support.

And he did nothing.

She had found an ally in Morgause. She found someone who would understand.

She thought…. She thought that there was no other way.

_You must never reveal your secret. Not to anyone._

The voice belonged to Gaius.

_You speak of the witch, the Lady Morgana._

The voice was different now. It was like nothing she had ever heard before. It was ancient. Like it had lived for thousands of years.

_She cannot be trusted._

He was talking about her.

_It would be better if the witch never knew the true extent of her powers._

P-Powers?

_It is her destiny to kill. To destroy. Her hands are stained with the blood with innocents; she is too blinded by her emotions._

Destiny.

_The good in her is lost forever. Do not bother searching for it; you will only be disappointed._

_She is the darkness to your light; the hatred to your love._

Darkness. Hatred.

_I thought_ - _because she has magic_ - _I thought_ _we were the same_.

The voice changed again. This time… This time it belonged to Merlin. Morgana's chest tightened when she heard his voice. It was an unbearable blow, yet another painful reminder of the secret he had kept hidden.

_I could never be like that._

He was talking about her. She knew that.

_What I feel for her is sad. She's become so bitter, so full of hate._

_And still you did nothing! _She thought fiercely. Anger raced through her emotions. _You left me there, defenseless and afraid! _The anger in her weakened and her heart softened. _I was dying… Merlin, I was dying inside… Why didn't you save me?_

She wanted to cry, but no tears came.

This only made her feel worse.

_It is true. I am monster. A cold, heartless monster. And I will never love or feel again. _

Then suddenly, something warm brushed against her skin.

The touch was soft, calming, but it felt like a sudden jolt of electricity, bringing her back to reality.

It slammed her all at once; loud voices screamed simultaneously in her head:

_He lied to you!_

_He doesn't trust you!_

_You mean nothing to him!_

Something in Morgana snapped. It was already too much for her to bear.

Her defenses crumbled. The feelings came crashing in, attacking her from every angle.

"Stop!" She shouted out loud. "Stop! Please, just stop!"

Tears came cascading down, but she did not try to stop them. She was tired of fighting back. She had surrendered completely.

"Leave me alone! Please!" She pleaded. "Stop!"

But they did not stop. The voices screeched even louder.

_You speak of the witch, the Lady Morgana._

_She cannot be trusted._

_Darkness. Hatred._

_Kill! Destroy!_

_Lost forever…_

"Shut up!" She screamed, covering her ears as the tears fell harder. "That's not me! That's not me! Shut up!"

She heard glass break. Tiny pieces pierced her skin. She ignored them.

"Shut up!"

The voices changed. They were now his.

_Are you happy now?_

_To love?_

_You killed all the people who've ever loved you!_

"Shut up!" She shrieked. "Stop! Stop!"

_Witch!_

_Witch!_

_Witch!_

"Leave me alone!"

They stopped.

There was silence.

She breathed heavily and looked around, face stained with her tears.

The floor was filled with remains of shattered glass. Broken.

She was alone again.

She wept in silence.

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**I hope you liked it.**

**That was incredibly difficult to write.**

**I'll try to update soon!**


	4. Chapter 4: Storm

**Disclaimer: Merlin isn't mine! It's BBC's.**

**I hope you like it!**

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**Chapter Four: Storm**

Arthur stormed through the palace halls hurriedly, brushing past anyone in his way. He nodded briefly to the servants who bowed as he passed them, leaving them wondering what the Crown Prince was such in a hurry to get to.

Trailing not far behind him, Merlin struggled to keep up with his master. He had no idea why the boy was practically racing down the hall. He stopped for a short moment, clearly out of breath.

"Um, Arthur?" He called out to the prince, panting in between short breaths. "Don't you think you could slow down a bit? Oh, you know, so that maybe we don't **die of exhaustion**?"

Arthur did not respond. He didn't even so much as glance to look at Merlin. He only walked faster.

Merlin groaned, pacing to follow.

"Prat," he muttered darkly. Wherever they were going, it must be dreadfully important.

And just before Merlin could finally give up and collapse on the floor, Arthur suddenly stopped. Looking around, the young sorcerer saw where they were: standing in front of a wooden door. **Her door**.

The Lady Morgana's chambers.

Merlin's eyes flashed in alarm. This would lead to no good. Whatever Morgana was up to, he would not let her succeed. He did not trust her; no ounce of good was left in her.

"Sire-"

Ignoring the boy's protests, Arthur slipped inside the room, not bothering to knock on the door.

Merlin reached out to stop the prince, who was already walking deeper inside the room.

Abruptly, Arthur paused.

Merlin flicked his eyes in the prince's direction, landing on a sight he never could have been prepared for.

What he saw was a sight that broke his heart.

Morgana's body was sprawled across the cold hard marble floor, lying among thousands of tiny pieces of glass. Blood dripped where the shards pierced her skin. She sat with knees hugged close to her chest, face buried in her hair.

Silently, Arthur made his way towards her. When he reached her, he slowly sat down beside the girl; he did not flinch when broken glass pricked his skin, sinking deep in his flesh.

Not once did Morgana move. Together, they sat in comforting stillness.

How long the ensuing silence lasted: Merlin did not know.

After what seemed like forever, Arthur shifted and slowly wrapped his arms around the girl beside him, pulling her in a fierce embrace. Her limp body seemed to melt as his strong arms gripped her tight, holding her close. She relied only on his support to keep her from completely crumpling onto the floor. She breathed in his smell, overwhelmed by a sea of emotions. For the first time, Morgana felt safe and secure; all the pain that once stung her badly were flushed out as he sheltered her in his arms. He would protect her. Always. Even from herself. She wished he would never let her go. Burying her face in his chest, she sobbed as tears trickled down her cheeks.

Arthur closed his eyes. "Shh… It's okay… Let it out… Let it out…"

The girl nodded weakly, her dark curls tumbling. She clung to him tighter and tears flooded down endlessly.

Gently, Arthur unclasped his arms from behind her, releasing her from his embrace. Morgana bowed her head, looking down.

As his eyes bore into her, she shrank, feeling more ashamed than she'd ever been; she did not want him to see her like this – helpless, so tragically vulnerable. She wanted him to see her as what she had once promised him she would be - strong and brave. So that he we wouldn't have to spend over single minute painstakingly worrying about her. She wanted to prove that he didn't always need to protect her. That she didn't need him to protect her, to be her savior.

And yet here she was: completely shattered, clinging tightly onto him for dear life.

Arthur reached out and slowly lifted her chin, so that they were face-to-face. He looked at her. Really looked at her. He scanned her face, searching for the answers that they might reveal. Her face was dirtied with blood and tears, skin slightly gashed. Her hair was disheveled and messy, sweat sticking them to her face. Her nose was red as she sniffed quietly.

And then he reached her eyes. Her timid eyes gazed softly into his own. They looked at him pleadingly, as if crying out to him for help. Her face visibly relaxed when she caught his gaze. He frowned when he saw that they were puffy and red from crying. Dark circles outlined them, showing signs of exhaustion.

Arthur stared deeply into her eyes as if he was lost in them, indulging himself in all the pain she suffered, in the burden she had to bear alone. Morgana shivered at the burning intensity at which he was looking at her; she couldn't help but be mesmerized in his soft blue ones. She saw concern in his eyes: they begged her to share her troubles with him, to lighten her load. She felt relief wash over her, like some of the hurt was taken away.

She was crying afresh. He reached up and cupped her face between his hands, wiped her tears with his thumbs. She flinched at his warm touch, but did not resist, closing her eyes.

"You don't have to say anything," he said in a voice so soft, it was almost like a whisper. His words were sincere, and she believed him, with all her heart.

Arthur slowly brought his lips to her forehead and kissed her brow. His soft lips were pressed against her warm forehead.

She opened her eyes slowly and looked at him. She saw genuine concern in his eyes; they implored her to be honest with him. And she would.

"You will be a good king, Arthur," she choked, struggling evident in her voice. "The best one the kingdom had ever known."

The prince shook his head. "That's something we don't have to worry about until later," He brushed aside a stray strand of her and tucked it behind her ear. "For now, you'll just have to be content with trusting me to keep the most beautiful of ladies safe."

She looked at him, surprised and disbelieving, thinking her ears had deceived her. He had never called her that before. "Y-You think I'm b-beautiful?"

"So-so," he joked. "I know of this princess from-"

She slapped his arm playfully. Arthur's eyes grinned at her and he laughed. She couldn't help but smile as well.

The girl sighed. She beamed him, eyes twinkling in appreciation. "Thank you…" She breathed honesty and gratitude in her words.

"What for?" He questioned, confused.

"For not leaving me alone and being there… When I need you the most."

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**I hope you liked it!**

******I've always liked the Arthur-Morgana sibling relationship. I've always thought they have a really deep connection and genuinely care about each other. And I really wanted to capture that essence.**

******It's kinda short, so I'm really sorry about that... :(**

******So, anyways, I'll try to update soon!**

******Thank you for reading!**


	5. Chapter 5: Frozen

**Thank you so much for your reviews! I'd like to thank _The Dream Guardian, xXDesertRoseXx, Lady Morgana of Camelot, ArthursCamelot, gracieheart, TakeThisSinkingBoat, _and all the people who've read _The Chance You've Never Given _for all your support. Thank you soooooooo much! You guys are what keep me going. :)**

**I hope you like it!**

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**Chapter Five: Frozen**

Merlin blinked.

He was standing still, frozen on the doorway. Merlin stared disbelievingly as he watched the scene unfold before him.

He had never seen Arthur act this way, and certainly not Morgana.

He felt a sudden pang of jealousy as Arthur wrapped his arms around the girl, wondering why it wasn't his that were comforting her instead. Cursing whatever possessed him to feel this way, he brushed it aside.

He had no feelings for her, he assured himself. He hadn't in a long time.

But still… The way she looked at him made him feel sick in the stomach.

Before he had the chance to stop himself, he felt the sudden urge to punch Arthur in the face and pull him away. He did not like the way he held her close to him, the way he wiped away her tears.

Anger boiled inside him when Arthur kissed her forehead, and the young sorcerer fought hard to subside it.

This was not right. He should not be feeling this way, not for a Lady of the Court, and especially not for the person predestined to be his enemy.

And yet that was exactly what he was doing, struggling to overcome strong emotions he thought he'd already dealt with before. They would not get the best of him, he thought, as he clenched his fists tightly. Even as he searched his head for reason, he could not explain why; it frightened him.

What had she done to him?

"You will be a good king, Arthur," he heard her admit.

Merlin's eyes widened as she spoke. He could tell her words were honest and it confused him.

Prophecy foretold that she would devastate Albion and all those in it. All she thirsted for was revenge, and this would lead to Arthur's death.

Was this supposed to be the great Morgana le Fay, with powers that would rival his own?

All he saw before him was an innocent girl, hurt and helpless; playing the role of the victim to a mistake she did not commit but had to suffer, in desperate need of his help.

No. Merlin shook off naïve thoughts. Morgana wasn't hurt and helpless. Her innocence was no more. She was a deadly viper, just waiting to strike.

And he would be the one to stop her. He had to watch out for her. For Camelot's sake.

* * *

Morgana laid her head on Arthur's shoulder, and he rested his on hers. Again, there was silence; both enjoying each other's presence.

He was not the Crown Prince of Camelot, loaded with the duties and responsibilities that came with the title, as well as bearing the hopes and expectations of his people.

And she was not the King's Ward, beautiful and admired by all, but troubled by problems beyond the castle walls, which served more as a prison than a home.

They were just Arthur and Morgana – two people raised as siblings, fighting against the world together.

But this moment will not last forever.

Because he can never be just Arthur and she will not be just Morgana.

At the end of the day, he is still Arthur Pendragon, bound to destiny as the greatest monarch who'll ever live, immortalized forever in tales praising his reign, the King of Legend.

And she is still Morgana le Fay, haunted by dreams of what is yet to come, betrothed to a life of darkness, the Witch of Prophecy.

And so, they try to capture the essence of every second, making the most of whatever time they have left, to be just ordinary people, who lose control every once in a while.

"Gwen is beautiful." Morgana's hushed words came out of nowhere.

"Mm…" Arthur nodded absentmindedly.

"She will make a lovely queen."

"I'm sure she will…" he replied, seemingly preoccupied with distant thoughts.

"I can see why you like her."

"I-" Arthur cut off when her words finally made sense to him and he bolted up right. "I- She- We- But how-" He stuttered, searching for the right response.

Morgana giggled at his failing attempts to explain. "I have to admit, your frequent displays of affection have been admirably subtle. But these past few days have been far more obvious than most. You can't hide anything from me, Arthur, even if you tried." She winked knowingly.

Arthur blushed, still speechless.

Morgana leaned closer and spoke soothingly. "I just wanted you to know that I approve of your choice, even if it isn't my place to do so. I'm not so sure I want to subject Gwen to that _unbearable _torment, as it isn't her fault she's the unlucky woman who's caught your attention. But you're going to have to marry _someone _someday, and if anyone, it might as well be Gwen. Who else can put up with that _large _stubborn head of yours?"

"Besides," she continued. "You probably weren't going to listen to me anyway, if I tried to stop you from enraging history by marrying a servant. I might as well consent. That way, you don't have to chastise me for my approval."

Arthur chuckled. "Thanks? I guess…"

Morgana sighed, plopping her head back on his head shoulder. "Arthur?" She spoke in soft words.

"Yes?"

"Do…" Her voice was sad and timid, as if she were hesitating. "D-Do you think I-I'm a… a m-monster?" Her lips quivered as she spoke, as though the question itself was a great struggle.

Her question surprised him. "What? Morgana, what kind of question is that?"

She said nothing, staring at the dark embers in the hearth.

"How can you ask such a thing?"

She turned to him, eyes grave and hard. "I'm serious."

He looked at her seriously. "As am I."

The girl looked away.

"Morgana, look at me. Look at me."

His voice was too forceful to ignore, and she obeyed, slowly turning her head. She found her emerald eyes staring into beautiful blue orbs, solemn and soft.

"Morgana, you are many things. Some, I know by heart. Others, I hope yet to discover. But I know, with all of my soul, that you are not and never will be a monster. I am sure now more than ever."

She turned away, unsure that she would be able to stop the tears if she kept looking at him. "Y-You say that now," Her voice came out like a helpless whimper. "But the future holds many secrets."

"The day will come… when you will hate me with all the fury from the darkest depths of your heart. And with good reason… Because I will hurt you and the people you love…"

His eyebrows where scrunched in a frown, not comprehending her words. "You know that's not true."

"You don't know that!" She choked back tears, and it was evident in her cracking voice. She was angry that he was being so stubborn in defending what was so blatantly obvious, a truth that she herself had seen. "I-I'll kill! Destroy! The blood of innocents will be splattered on the floor, their dead bodies scattered on the ground. My hands will be stained with death, something that can never be washed away!"

She struggled as he tried to grab her, the horrible vision flashing in her mind. "And I'll just stand there, smiling at the destruction I've brought upon this land." She broke down, hot tears pouring down as she tried to make sense of what was happening.

Screams. Blood. Death.

"I'll become a monster!" Arthur enclosed her in a hug, holding her tightly. She continued to fight against his grip. "You'll hate me!" She stopped moving entirely, surrendering to his embrace at last."I don't want that to happen… I don't want to lose you," she whispered.

"Morg…" Arthur released her from his grasp. He gazed into her eyes, hoping to reassure her. He clasped her hands in between his and slowly brought his lips to kiss them.

"The last thing you ever have to worry about is losing me."

She bit her lip and nodded weakly. She smiled sadly, grateful for that knowledge. "Do you mean that?"

"I do." Arthur smiled back, standing up. "I have to go, but I'll be back soon. Promise me you'll get some rest."

There was no reply.

"Morgana?" She looked up at him. "Promise?"

After slight hesitation, she smiled and nodded. "I promise."

"Good." He kissed her forehead, a final bid of farewell. Arthur walked out the door, pushing past Merlin into the cold and empty hall.

The young servant turned to follow him. But as he was about to leave, he found himself aching to see her one last time. He found the temptation calling out to him too strong to resist; before he could even stop himself, Merlin was turning his head in the opposite direction, casting a quick glance at the young woman he had once called friend. He ignored how his heart leapt for joy when he caught sight of her, like it always did.

For the briefest moment, their eyes met. It was like a sudden jolt of electricity had been sent through his body. He had captured all she felt in that short span, and thousands of emotions flashed before him. Anger, sadness, loneliness, confusion, betrayal…

Everything ended just as soon it had begun.

It was Morgana who broke their connection, tearing her eyes away from him.

Merlin gulped, thoughts racing through his mind. All those feelings… they were a lot to process in his head.

He could only imagine what it was like, having to deal with all of that. Alone. Still, she was strong, he knew that. She would get through this like she always did. She had to.

But she couldn't handle the hurt anymore. Each minute that passed by, she was slipping away. She had lost all sense of humanity when she lost control of her emotions.

Merlin stared at her trembling figure, and his heart melted when he understood that the scars on her skin pierced her much deeper than the flesh. It was devastating… to watch her suffer like this, battling her feelings with the little strength she had left. And even more so knowing that it was his fault.

No.

It couldn't have been his fault.

She brought this on herself.

There was nothing he could have-

Who was he fooling?

It was he who ruined her.

He was the one, who suffocated her once warm heart, now encased in thorns instead of roses.

He was the one, who took away her once affectionate smile that welcomed all, now a bitter frown that closed her behind walls stretching miles and miles high.

He was the one, who left her alone, trapped in her desolate chambers, and the only way out was through the dark.

He would never be able to take back all that he had done, the day he let destiny choose his decisions.

He wanted to reach out to her, to hug her and comfort her. To tell her that he would keep her safe.

She had walked with an aura of light around her, radiating so majestically. She had always been so complacent and proud, so full of life…

But now…

The person in front of him was no longer Morgana. This was only but a shadow of her former self. The real Morgana was lost.

And no it didn't matter how much he wanted to; he would never find her.

Wait.

What the hell was he doing?

This was Morgana, for God's sake!

The woman who plotted to have Uther killed in a bloodthirsty rampage for revenge. The woman who tried to kill Arthur and Gwen. The woman who betrayed Camelot.

She would not catch him off guard. She would not touch him like this. Never again.

He swore under his breath.

Without even a second glance, he turned away, and walked out.

It was the hardest thing he ever had to. As he closed the door, he found himself struggling not to push it back open. He fought the strong urge to go bursting into the room and put his arms around Morgana and promise her everything would be okay.

This time, he succeeded.

Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath, trying to get rid of the guilt eating him up.

It had felt like turning his back on a friend.

* * *

"You're not even going to _ask _her?"

Arthur rolled his eyes in annoyance. "No, Merlin."

"Aren't you even _wondering _what happened?"

"Of course, I do."

"But aren't you curious why-"

"I _told _you, Merlin." Arthur barked loudly. "I won't talk about this."

"But-"

"Morgana will tell us when she wants to tell us. I won't push her to do something she doesn't want to do. And neither will you."

"So, you're telling me you don't find all this the _least _bit strange?"

The prince let out an exasperated sigh and stopped walking. He turned around to face his servant. "Merlin, I don't need you to tell me this is unusual. I've known her all of my life. I've never seen her like this… ever since… ever since…" Arthur stared away, seeming distracted.

Merlin looked confused. "Ever since?"

"Ever since her father died."

"I-I don't understand."

Arthur rolled his eyes again and started walking. "Of course, you don't, Merlin."

* * *

"Has there been any news on the sorcerers spotted last week?"

"No, Father."

King Uther and his son were seated on the dining table, discussing the matters of the kingdom over breakfast.

Merlin was present as well, holding a pitcher of water in his hands as he stood stiffly behind the prince's chair.

A seat on the king's left was empty, and it was obviously for the Lady Morgana. They were all patiently waiting for her arrival.

Well, Arthur and Merlin were, anyway.

"Where _is_ Morgana?" Uther asked impatiently.

Arthur opened his mouth to speak, but a voice beat him to it.

"Right here, my Lord."

They all turned to face the now open door, where Morgana stood, a small smile plastered her face.

But that smile didn't fool Merlin. He knew all too well how she was really feeling.

Morgana had worn long sleeves to hide the slashes on her arm. The dark circles around her eyes had faded away. There was no evidence of what had happened earlier that morning.

All except her eyes.

They revealed all the secrets, the emotions, the _pain _her smile tried to conceal.

Merlin's heart clenched when he saw that she was still suffering. He knew how hurt she was, and how much it was hurting her inside to pretend that everything was alright.

But Uther didn't seem to see that.

He smiled, relieved that she had finally arrived. "Good morning, my dear. Come, join us."

Morgana nodded and bowed, before making her way towards her seat, her eyes avoiding Merlin.

Arthur visibly frowned when she sat down. "What are you doing here, Morgana?"

She looked at him and smirked. "For what else?"

The prince gritted his teeth and eyed her fiercely, as if saying, _I **thought** I told you to rest._

The ward ignored the angry looks Arthur was giving her and smiled at Uther. "My Lord, if it pleases you, may I ask a favor?"

The king put down his fork and looked at her curiously. "Why, of course, Morgana. What is it that you ask for?"

Merlin's eyes widened in alarm. What was she up to?

Morgana grinned. "I wish to ask for your permission. I want to go out for a stroll, around the kingdom. I wish to meet with the people of the kingdom."

Uther looked surprised. "O-Of course. If that is what you wish… I shall arrange for an escort-"

Morgana stopped him. "There is no need for an escort," she assured him. "I can take care of myself. Besides, I'll have Gwen with me."

The king shook his head. "As much as it pleases me that you are taking interest in the people, I cannot permit you to leave the palace without protection."

She looked protestant. "But-"

"I'm sorry, Morgana. But it's for your own safety."

The girl sighed, resigned. She nodded. "I understand."

King Uther smiled. "Good."

Merlin was confused, as he looked from Morgana to Uther. What could she _possibly _be planning?

* * *

**I hope you guys liked it!**

**That is my longest chapter yet! Hehe :)**

**Thank you again for your reviews!**

**I'll try to update soon! **

**Love you all!**


	6. Chapter 6: Kindle

**I'm back!**

**And by back, I mean like back from the prison asylum I simply would like to call boarding school!**

**Sorry for not updating too soon!**

**Hope you guys will forgive me... :(**

**So, anyways, I hope you like this chapter.**

**I've always wanted Gaius to finally appear! **

**Hehe..:)**

**Disclaimer: Sadly, Merlin isn't mine.**

* * *

**Chapter Six: Kindle**

Gaius's hand trembled as he lifted the vial above the boiling cauldron slowly, tilting it carefully so that only one drop went into the-

"Gaius!"

The old physician released the vial in shock; glass shattered as it fell tumbling into the black bubbling miniature cauldron. His eyes widened as he stared in astonishment at the now ruined mixture, gritting his teeth in frustration. Furious, he turned his attention away from the sight before him and towards the voice that broke his concentration.

Merlin stood in the doorway, frozen as he looked from Gaius to the boiling mixture and back. His eyes narrowed. "What are you doing?"

Scrunching his eyebrows in frustration, Gaius replied angrily; he did nothing to hide the annoyance in his voice. "I'm supposed to be making a potion to treat an entire village in the northern plains; they've all recently been infected by a mysterious illness. But, thanks to you, they're going to have to wait a little longer."

The boy did not seem to hear the last sentence. His apprentice frowned, raising an eyebrow disbelievingly as his eyes darted to the cauldron in confusion. "**That's** going to cure some deadly disease?"

The boy's uncle did his best not to strangle and scream at his nephew. "It was until you **ruined **it!"

Gaius released the aggravated breath he'd been holding for too long. "So what's so important that you had to come bursting into my chambers in the middle of the day?"

"I-"

Merlin opened his mouth to speak but Gaius cut him off hastily. "Hurry up, boy! I don't have all day!"

The young warlock took a deep breath, as though preparing himself for what was about to be said.

"It's Morgana."

* * *

"Morgana."

She looked up, and found herself gazing upon a familiar face. It was Arthur.

It had to be Arthur.

He had the same brilliant blue eyes, the same golden hair, the same handsome face.

But there was something different about him.

He seemed… more mature. Lines etched his stern face, symbolizing the many years that had passed and tested his grip on life.

This was not her Arthur.

This was an older version of the prince.

This was King Arthur.

The King Arthur that the Old Religion had prophesied for eons. The King Arthur that would save his people and bring the light back to a perishing land.

Her gazed lingered on his hard cobalt eyes for a long time. "Arthur," she whispered softly.

Arthur frowned; he looked like his father – bitter, disapproving, ruthless and cold.

"I am your king, and you will address me as such."

Her eyes flashed in surprise. She knew now that this was definitely not her Arthur. He would never have spoken to her like that, no matter how inappropriately she acted.

Arthur noticed the surprised look on her face and his grip on the seat tightened. He must've known what she was thinking, because his frowned deepened. "A lot has changed since you left."

She did not respond, and looked down in shame. This was the future she had for so long been afraid of.

"Look at me."

She flinched, but did not do as he said.

"Look at me!"

His voice was cruel and commanding. In fear of what he might do to her, she looked up and held his fierce gaze. His eyes were like fire, blazing in anger and resentment.

This was not Arthur standing in front of her. She no longer recognized this man. This man was spiteful and brutal; he would not think twice before hurting her. And she was powerless in his hands.

This man was the embodiment of the person she had hated for all of her life.

This man was the very vision of Uther.

Arthur had become his father.

And the only person to blame was herself.

"There was a time, Morgana, when I would've welcomed you with open arms," he said harshly, spewing venom in his words. "Not anymore."

The scene faded, and it was replaced by beautiful woman in a marvelous purple dress, a crown adorned her head.

The queen, no doubt.

Gwen.

Her beautiful Gwen, always with a cheerful smile on her face, one that could lift anybody's spirit.

But this time, Gwen was not smiling.

Instead, a frown formed at the edges of her mouth.

Her face was as hard as stone.

This could not be her Gwen.

"You're back," the queen said, staring at her coldly.

Morgana did not reply.

"Come to finish us off? Poison us in our sleep, perhaps?"

Gwen spoke harshly, spitting out words like they were venomous.

"G-Gwen…." Morgana spoke timidly, her voice small and afraid. "I'm your friend."

Gwen glared at her scornfully. "Forgive me," she said mockingly. "I did not realize I was speaking to an old friend. All I see is a traitor and a murderer."

Morgana flinched, the stinging words piercing her heart. This was the truth, and she could not escape it.

Gwen continued. "I have everything you once had. I still don't understand why you would turn your back on all of this. On all of us."

The witch wanted to speak, to ask for the forgiveness she knew she did not deserve. "I-"

"Don't. Your words mean nothing to me now."

The picture changed again, and now there was a man in front of her.

This face she would recognize anywhere.

It was Merlin.

He, too, looked older, clad in finer clothes fit for a noble. She could only guess what had become of him.

And like all the others, he was glowering at her as well.

"He shouldn't have taken you back," he stated. "You should've been dead by now. Beheaded and slaughtered. Any other king would've left you to perish in the woods. But he isn't just any other king. Arthur has a good heart."

He stopped and shook his head.

"Something you can never hope to have."

Then, there was darkness.

Merlin was still there.

But he now looked as he did at present.

The same cold gaze was sketched on his hard face.

"Arthur will be king, the hero of epics, respected by his subjects; Gwen, his precious queen, ruling at his side, loved by all; and I, his most trusted adviser in a land where magic now roams free.

"But you… You will not be a part of any of this.

"You are the dark cloud sent to curse paradise.

"This is what is expected of you."

His words shot through her mind. Anger flared through her entire being.

Who was he to tell her what she was to become?

Who were they **all** to tell her what she was supposed to do?

No one could tell her what to do. She made her own decisions. She molded her own life, her own future.

If she wanted to become an evil witch, then only she could tell her to do that.

Not anybody else.

She forced her eyes open, forced herself out of this infuriating reverie.

"But that is not what is to become of me," Morgana said, as though responding to Merlin's words. "My destiny does not define me. I will not let it."

* * *

Merlin was nearly out of breath as he explained what had happened earlier this morning and how bizarrely the ward had acted in front of the king. After he had finished, Gauis did not respond immediately, as though taking in what his nephew had said.

"This is strange…" he muttered to himself, pacing the length of the room. "Strange indeed."

He looked back at Merlin. "Where is she?"

"In her room, resting on Arthur's orders. She will visit the town tomorrow."

Gaius nodded, considering the situation and pondering on what was to be done. "I will keep a close watch on her. Who knows what she could be planning…"

"What about me?"

Gauis looked sternly at the boy. "**You**, on the other hand, will do **absolutely **nothing. Stay as far away from her as possible."

He protested. "But-"

"Do **not **get involved, Merlin," he warned. "You know the consequences."

The boy shouted, as though fighting back tears in his eyes. "I **have **to do something! She's my-"

"Merlin. There is nothing you can do."

"Youdon't understand, Gaius! You weren't the one who poisoned her! You didn't stand there, frozen as you ignored her choking pleas. You didn't hold her in your arms, helpless as she grasped for air, clinging to you tighter as every second passed by. You didn't grip her closely, hoping that you could help her ease the pain, wondering why it couldn't be you instead who was suffering, praying that it would all end. You didn't see her eyes… They were so accusing… so confused.

"You didn't leave her when she needed you the most.

"I killed her.

"I hurt her, and walked away, unscathed and untouched.

"I let her down in the worst way possible.

"And I did nothing."

Gaius looked at his nephew, sympathetic to his hurt. "There was nothing you could've done." He soothed, trying to reassure the boy.

Merlin shook his head, looking down. "Of all the things I can't do, why'd it have to be this?"

He sighed. "What's worse is that if I could go back to that moment, I wouldn't be able to change thing. I'd still have to betray her; I'd still have to relive that moment and all the feelings that came with it."

"It isn't your fault."

Merlin closed his eyes. "Gaius…. You and I both know that it isn't true."

"You did what you had to do. It was either her life or the kingdom's."

"I know," the boy admitted.

"But your heart refuses to accept it."

Merlin nodded.

Gaius sighed. "It is the hardest lesson to learn, young warlock: that with all your gifts and powers, there are times when you are made helpless to the cruelty of fate, a pawn to life's unjust games, and you can do absolutely nothing."

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**Hope you liked it!**

**I realize now that all my chapter titles have absolutely nothing to do with the chapter itself, but hey, I like the words. ;)**

**So anyways, any comment/review will be gladly accepted!**

**Thanks for reading!**

**I'll try to update soon :)**


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